So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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