Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
