the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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