Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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