Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
