covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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