Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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