best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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