I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
