walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I stole a fireplace last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
