just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
