if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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