just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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