Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
