When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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