it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
