I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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