just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
