Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
