omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
