Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
