That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
