winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
