My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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