I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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