well you can't waste a boner
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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