Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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