He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
