We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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