Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
