something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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