I could make wine with my vomit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
