i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
