You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
