Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
