What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
