Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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