i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
