Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
