The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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