Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
