so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am available for nakedness
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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