when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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