I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
