woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
