Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
