i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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