yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
