Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
