ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His nipple licking is glorious
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