Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
