can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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