..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
