who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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