i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
