So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
