nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
