it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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