i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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