Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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