You're completely useless in the revolution.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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