ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
