when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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