puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
