I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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