Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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