At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think i got beer on your cat.
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