we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
