You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
