Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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