Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to calm my uterus...
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