Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
