I wanna passion pit in your ass
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
