I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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you had me at cake vodka
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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