DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize