I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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