She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
