guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
