Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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