I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
